TALK THERAPY

There was a time when being Gay or Lesbian was a considered a mental illness. For far to long, surgical transition from birth to affirmed gender required weekly psychotherapy. 

Thankfully, gone are the days.

• That said, LGBTQ individuals have higher incidents of mood disorders such as depression and anxiety and research also shows higher rates of substance abuse including tobacco, alcohol, drugs and other addictive behaviors.
• Sadly, suicide rates are higher with LGBTQ people as well.
• Fortunately, there are many LGBTQ individuals who are living happy and contented lives but look to an LGBTQ affirming therapist to sort out the unique challenges.
• In alliance with WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health), the international, research based organization, people interested in beginning Hormones or Gender Affirming Surgery need a letter in support for these services from a WPATH trained licensed psychotherapist such as Dr. Frank Patti.  Visit www.WPATHStandardsofCare.com for more information about transition requirements.

Most of us have conversations in our daily life. We communicate with the people in our world such as family members, co-workers, neighbors and friends. Some of us communicate with our friends and contacts through social media. Often, these conversations leave us wanting in terms of acceptance, empathy and practical solutions.

• From the very first meeting, you can expect to be an active participant in how we approach whatever issue brings you into therapy.
• We'll review the important events from your past and develop a plan for what you want your life to look like.
• Talk-Therapy is a balance of complete acceptance and an honest review of your decision making process.
• Too often we settle for unacceptable treatment in others and yet find it all but impossible to accept ourselves.

Individual Talk Therapy can be very helpful. Some people enter Talk Therapy to gain or regain direction in their life. You and Dr. Patti will work together to develop a plan for what you would like to  accomplish in therapy. Individual Talk Therapy is a mixture of insight, perspective and goal  settings to practice between sessions. Many people use this opportunity to examine their relationships:

• Relationship to Self: Have you ever thought about how you relate to yourself? It is of vital importance to examine the way one cares for themself. Some people abandon them self by putting the needs of other people above self care.  Making time for healthy eating, sleeping, and exercising can begin the process of self prioritization. The inability to complete assignments at work or at school can be as problematic as losing yourself in your studies or job / career.  The key to healthy living is balance in all areas.

• Relationship to Others: We have relationships with other people: parents, siblings, partners or spouses. Individual Talk Therapy is an opportunity to explore one's feeling of connection to the people in one's life.  There are two extremes: overly connected where one doesn't set or respect boundaries and the other extreme is being so disconnected that one is left feeling abandoned or adrift. Similar to one's relationship to self, the goal to happiness often involves finding balance.

• Insight / Honesty: It is common for people to enter therapy because there's something about them that they have been putting off addressing. It can be life changing to take a leap of faith, and share with your therapist what you have been avoiding. For some people, this is their sexuality or gender identity. For others, it is their relationship to addictive behaviors, i.e. alcohol, drugs, gambling, sexuality, hoarding or something else

When a spouse is discovered to be a different sexual-orientation or gender identity, the non-transitioning spouse is often left with a myriad of feelings and questions. The partner considering affirming their deeper truth about their gender or sexual orientation can experience self-defeating beliefs about what their life could look like on the other side of this journey

• Same-Sex couples as well as Opposite-Sex Couples experience one of the greatest challenges to their relationship.
• Can or should we stay together?
• Which option is best for our children?
• How might this impact our relationships with friends, families or our jobs?
• The non-transitioning partner in the same-sex relationship often asks," how can I stay in a relationship if I'm not attracted to my partner / spouse's newly affirmed gender"?
• The non-transitioning partner in the opposite-sex relationships  similarly asks, "how can I stay in a relationship that now appears to be heterosexual"? Do I lose my queer identity?.

Couple's Talk Therapy can help facilitate a dialogue for asking and answering the difficult questions that naturally arise from a partner or spouse who is embracing the coming out process.

Family Talk Therapy can include any grouping of loved ones. Sometimes an individual uses this type of therapy to mediate the communication of the coming out process. Family Talk Therapy is often comprised of:

• A child, adolescent or adult and their parents (sometimes including siblings);
• An adult, their spouse and their children;
• A couple and their extended family / families;

Having a gender-affirming / sexual orientation affirming therapist like Dr. Patti can help all members of a family find kind, respectful and mutually acceptable solutions.  

 Whether you identify as LGBTQ or love someone who does, the process of you or a loved one coming out can be an incredible and yet uncomfortable transformation.

• Coming out refers to the process that people who are LGBTQ go through as they work to accept their sexual orientation or gender identity and share that identity openly with other people.
• Historically, Coming Out was filled with dangers including being expelled from one's family, fired from one's job, dishonorably discharged from the US Armed Services, and tragically subjected to physical violence that often resulted in the loss of life.
• Gay Panic Defense: a legal strategy in which a defendant claims to have acted in a state of violent, temporary insanity, committing assault or murder, because of unwanted same-sex sexual advances, typically from men. A Trans Panic Defense is a closely reelated legal strategy applied in cases of assault, manslaughter, or murder of a transgender individual with whom the assailant(s) had engaged in or was closely to engaging in sexual relations with and claim to have been unaware that the victim was transgender, producing in the attacker an alleged trans panic reaction, often a result of homophobia and transphobia.
• Risks: Before coming out, one has to consider if they could risk losing emotional or financial support for family. Could this process result in physical danger? Might your family pressure you into masquerading as someone you're not?
• Benefits: Ability to live one's life honestly. Building self-esteem by being honest about oneself. Developing closer, more genuine relationships with friends and family. Connecting with other people who are LGBTQ - being part of the LGBTQ community.
• It's up to you to chose if, when, how, and who to come out to.

Conversion Therapy is the pseudoscientific practice of attempting to change an individual's sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression to align with heterosexual and cisgender norms, There is scientific consensus that conversion therapy is ineffective at changing a person's gender or orientation and can cause significant, long-term psychological harm.

• www.hrc.org illuminates "The Lies and Dangers of Efforts to Change Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity".
• "Reparative" or "conversion therapy," is a range of dangerous and discredited practices that falsely claim to change a person's sexual or expreRssion."
• HRC reports: "To date, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New Your, Oregon, Rhode Island, Utah, Virginia, Vermont, Washington, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico all have laws or regulations protecting youth from this harmful practices.  
• www.hrc.org illuminates "The Lies and Dangers of Efforts to Change Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity".
• "Reparative" or "conversion therapy," is a range of dangerous and discredited practices that falsely claim to change a person's sexual or expreRssion."
• HRC reports: "To date, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New Your, Oregon, Rhode Island, Utah, Virginia, Vermont, Washington, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico all have laws or regulations protecting youth from this harmful practices.

In The Beginning:

We grew up in a world where we were greatly impacted by our environment. During our formative years, our beliefs about ourselves and other people are a direct result of what we did or didn't get during child. 

No one is born with language skills or the ability to question if how we were treated or what we were told was accurate. So we accept this input without questioning. When a child is yelled at or criticized, the child often internalizes that there is something wrong with them. 

Faulty Belief: “If I didn’t make my parent mad, they wouldn’t treat me this way. It’s my fault for getting them angry.”

4 Possible Examples:

• Child #1 was born into a family that lavished them with praise and acceptance.  Acceptance was withheld when the child did something that was considered unacceptable. They grow up learning to please other people. We call this way of acting being rich in survival value. Faulty Belief: "if I don't make waves and I do what's asked of me, people will love me."

• Child #2 was born into a family experiencing a great deal of financial and emotional turmoil. In this environment the parent was distracted from noticing when the child was afraid, hungry, lonely, or in need of sleep. As this child grows, they have profound difficulty knowing how they feel or what they need. Faulty Belief: "I am on my own so what's the point of telling people how I feel or what I need?" As an adult, this child grows up struggling to engage in self-care. Making meaningful connections with others is exceedingly difficult.

• Child #3 was born to into a family where the adults used alcohol or other drugs for recreation and self-soothing. It is common for substance abusing adults to be quick to anger and often resort to physical aggression when frustrated. This child either learns to medicate their distress with substances and lash out in anger when frustrated. Another possible result is the child grows up to be an adult with overly adaptive personality features and attracts unavailable partners who need constant emotional and/or financial caretaking .

• Child #4 was born into a religiously conservative family. This family didn't have any LGBTQ friends or family members (who were openly LGBTQ). This family mocked and spoke critically about people who "choose to be LGBTQ including gender expression outside of traditional standards. When this family attended religious services, the sermon often drifted into emotional pleas to fight back against the gay or the transgender agenda. Same sex marriage was unthinkable and the family even displayed signs on their lawn before elections affirming their anti-LGBTQ views. Faulty Belief: Having same-sex or cross-gender thoughts are sinful. Growing up in this environment leads to faulty beliefs: "This can't be true about me. If it is true, I better not tell anyone because I will lose my family, friends, and church community. I'd rather be dead than LGBTQ". Internalized homophobia or transphobia can feel true. In Talk Therapy this child, adolescent or adult can discover that thoughts are not facts.

• Talk Therapy can help one review the circumstance of their formative years and examine the beliefs that emerged in their family of origin. Insight into one’s early years can be enlightening. 

Finding ways to discard old ways of thinking or acting often takes a therapeutic experience such as Talk Therapy to make long-term change. 

• Neuroscience teaches that neurons that fire together wire together.
• The more you do something, the stronger the neuro pathway becomes. Regardless of the downside to this behavior, it becomes automatic. 
• Faulty Beliefs: The same is true for beliefs. If a person is raised believing that they are bad, worthless, or flawed and keep repeating these self-limiting beliefs, their life consists of negative self-talk. Over time these automatic behaviors and beliefs feel natural and accurate and require less thought and energy. 

Talk Therapy can help a person examine the evidence – Challenge the Automatic Thought(s).

In Talk Therapy, you step outside of your automatic thoughts and learn to think and act differently. To create new ways of thinking or acting, you will learn to identify and discard old thoughts and behaviors to make room for new ways of thinking and acting.